Friday, September 14, 2012

Gari the Sorcerer


So, not a lot of people looked at my first Friday fantasy scene, and no one commented on it. Perhaps it was too long. The problem is, I'm not sure how to have a shorter story arc than the one I portrayed while using fewer words. Anyway, today I'm going to do something I think is cool, but then the things I think are cool end up being lame, but I don't know it. Thus the phrase "kill your darlings," right? Anyway, it's basically a query format (I've had query-brain recently), but from first person POV. Here we go:

Hi, my name's Gari. It's short for Valdtjugari, but you can't call me that. I'm a mage.

Not the wimpy dress-in-robes and use-a-wand kind. I wear normal street clothes and use a rod. Okay, maybe it's more of a club, but it shoots just fine and it's more handy in a brawl. Most sorcerers have trouble winning against things that can resist magic and can land a decent punch. Meaning they have trouble beating me.

Did I mention I'm a contracted mage silencer?

That's right. When magi start making trouble, the government calls me to make them stop. It was a sweet gig for a while. Still is, money-wise. Except I've realized now that they've been sending me after any mage they find, good or bad.

I no longer kill the magi they send me after. I do silence them, but by telling them what's going on and convincing them to come hide out in my basement for a while. When there are enough of us, we'll take down the people who are trying to wipe us out.

And after that, I guess I'll have to find a new day job.

What do you think? Was it cool, lame, or somewhere between? Would you rather my Friday posts be this length, or Gladiator Ring length?

Have a great day!

4 comments:

  1. Lame? Are you serious? That was awesome.

    First, I'm all like "Whoa, he hunts down sorcerers, haven't seen that before" but then, we realise he's not just a mindless council worker - he actually has a plan. This is cool. It has great voice, punch and an interesting concept.

    I don't really have an opinion on length, but Gladiator's Ring, while cool, isn't what I normally read. Gary has spunk. I like spunk.

    But at the end of the day, you should write your blog for you. It may not be the most popular way of doing things but at least that way, the people who follow you are going to people who have real interest in what you're doing and you'll have way more fun!

    P.S. Don't know if you're interested but your blog has captcha on. I usually keep trying until I get through but I know a lot of people don't. That may be why your other post didn't get any comments.

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    1. Thanks! I usually find writing spunk a little tiring, this character is the personality opposite from me, but it was fun. And I didn't know about the captcha, that thing is so annoying.

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  2. I definitely like it. It gives a great voice to the character and lays out an really cool story. It makes you want to read it, which I think is all that matters.

    A couple little things in there:
    Near the start you have a part that needs cleaning: 'things that have can resist'

    And the sentence that starts with 'Now I don't' is a little confusing because we don't know exactly when 'now' is in relation to his monologue. I think it would be more clear to say 'I no longer kill ...'

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